A Conservation with Simon

Yes I frequently talk to the trio of furry kids in our home! That shouldn't surprise anyone at this point! Here is a conversation with Simon that occurred yesterday.




Me:  Simmie, step away from the toy box.

Simon: But I need my Kong.  You put my Kong away. Why do you always put my Kong away?

Me:  Because I like things to be neat and picked up. We don't need two Kongs out all the time as permanent fixtures on our floor.

Simon: Oh how I couldn't disagree more. Which reminds me, I have some things I need to talk about with you.

Me:  Like what little man? Life for you seems pretty good.

Simon:  It could be better if you'd leave my Kong alone or better yet if you'd fill it with peanut butter every day for me.

Me: It's always about food with you isn't it?

Simon:  Back to what I was wanting to talk to you about.  The other day you went out for some new shampoo for bath time.  And you came back with shampoo that makes me smell like a cupcake. Come on mom? A cupcake!!!!!  I'm a boy!!!! Not some foo-foo girly!!!!

Me:  So is that the problem, you smell like a cupcake but can't eat a cupcake?

Simon:  Well that is a problem but not the real problem.

Me: Okay the real problem is....?

Simon:  I SMELL LIKE A CUPCAKE! You bathed me in that crap.....

Me: (interrupting)Watch your language little sir!

Simon: You bathed me in that stuff and I had to walk around smelling like a cupcake. I got two words for you: street credit! I need to keep my street credit.  Walking around like some vanilla cupcake doesn't help my street credit. I'm a bad dude! People fear me!

Me: (laughing) People fear you?

Simon: Hey, I've stared people down to the point they've gotten off the elevator sooner than they wanted to. People fear me, I'm a force to be reckoned with.

Me:  (still laughing) You certainly are a force.  What kind of force I'm not sure?  A crazy little pug force! 

Simon: Hey remember the other day when daddy admitted he used to be a little scared of me.

Me:  He didn't say he was scared of you. He said he recognized he had to work harder to win you over versus Cody.

Simon:  Oh Cody, that dude is everyone's friend. I'm not like that. I'm an observer. I like to watch peoples every move. I'm not a wimp like Cody either. The dude gets a hangnail and he cries. He cries more than Piper and she's still kind of a baby.

Me:  Okay, enough little man. How do you like having a little sister by the way?

Simon:  Man, she's nuts! I mean, I keep to myself but she likes to come up to me. And she kisses me every morning. I don't believe that's necessary but she does it anyway. Oh the horror!

Me:  (laughing again) Oh yes, the horror of being so darn kissable! That is the strange thing about you. You are such a little tyrant when on your leash. You are the protector, the defender. But inside the house you're a softy!

Simon:  Who me? A softy? No way! I'm hardcore all day everyday!

Me: Well, think what you want to think! I think there's two Simon's. The softy Simmie and the defender Simmie.  

Simon:  Oh geez!  I'm not a softy! And please don't use that cupcake shampoo on me anymore. I need my street credit to stay intact! Thank goodness you stopped using that pink towel on me. Geesh! What people would say if they knew I was once wrapped up in a pink towel.  All my hard work of earning street credit gone in a flash. 

Me: Lucky for you the pink towel is gone. But the vanilla cupcake shampoo is brand new. You'll have to suffer through an entire bottle of it. I promise to rinse it off well.  And dry you with a stinky towel!

Simon: Perhaps, that is a good compromise. I'll think about it.

Me: It's all I'm offering so deal with it my little puggie-boo.

Simon: Mom, please don't let people hear you call me little puggie-boo.  Street credit! Street credit!

Me: Whatever, puggie-wuggie!

Simon: (buries his head in his paws)