The Dread

Yesterday I called vet offices to ask questions I have been dreading to ask. I had to call a few because Cody's current vet doesn't do all services if you know what I mean? That's kind of odd these days, lots of vet offices are not all services. We ran into similar issues when Storm was late in her lifespan too. I HATE that it's coming to this. At the same time I don't want to fail Cody now. He needs us to take all things into consideration and make an appropriate decision for him. I've never taken a lackadaisical approach to pet parenting, so I'm not about to now.

The fact of the matter, he's not going to wake up tomorrow with his eyesight restored. He's not going to wake up with his hearing back. Nor is he going to gain back his mobility. His frustration isn't going to stop either! All other issues that ail him are going to continue to make him more and more miserable. His quality of life is not what it should be.

If I'm perfectly honest with myself and everyone else that reads this blog there's very few moments of peace in our household. Allow me to explain further, if Cody is asleep, there's peace in our home. If Cody is outside laying on a blanket, there's peace inside our home. If Cody is eating, there's peace in our home. Otherwise he is grumbling, whining, or worse yet, wailing. As for eating and drinking, well I have to help with those things. He can't find his water bowl and he needs a little help not losing his balance when he drinks. Eating is similar, I have to hold the bowl just right for him to eat and I always have to coax him into eating. I fear he wouldn't even miss eating if I didn't "make" him eat. I know he wouldn't miss breakfast for sure! Oh the bathroom situation, he gets carried outside each time. Let's sum it up like this, there's daily accidents now.

It's hard to let him go. However, I do believe the time is fast approaching. We likely shouldn't let things linger much longer as it will only worsen the pain, as it is, my heart hurts every night. It's been a rather stressful venture the last few months. I wish there was more I could do to help him, yet I know it's not how it's meant to be. Lots and lots and lots of tears have streamed down my face and soaked the rug underneath me.  I'm not sure I should be telling him this but the last few days I have quietly whispered to him that Simon is waiting for him. Thoughts of Simon and Cody being reunited is the only thing that's going to get me through this. Their brotherhood will continue again just in a different place.